The FOMO Effect

What is FOMO (or “fear of missing out”) doing to your relationship?

I hate generalizing, so hopefully one reads this with a grain of salt. We have established that I am of the Millennial generation, so with that being said, I hope I have some credibility with how I see my fellow generation and our relationship flaws.

Whether we want to take credit for this or not, I think my generation has created a false perception that puts pressure on us to find everlasting happiness and fulfillment without really having to work at it. We are constantly struggling with the concept of “FOMO” (a fear of missing out) and we have so many different social channels that perpetuates the ongoing cycle of our unsatisfying relationships . It’s a shame that we allow such a philosophy that implies we really don’t have to work at our own happiness and if it doesn’t just naturally appear (and sustain as all of our “friends” seemingly portray themselves on social media), there has to be something or someone else out there that can provide that for us effortlessly.

The FOMO concept in terms of our relationships, implies we are worth a lot more than what we are actually getting. It also feeds the ongoing cycle of hopelessness, isolation and insecurity when we can’t easily find a fun and loving connection (and hold on to it).  We compare ourselves to online personas of perceived successful/happy “friends” and we beat ourselves up when we feel we don’t have what they have or get to experience what they do. The pretty girl on Instgram doesn’t take the selfies that capture her moments of true loneliness and overwhelming insecurity. Similarly, the couple that posts endless tweets and photos of their constant adventures and thriving love life doesn’t capture the moments of pure hardship and disconnection. (…And not to say that these people really are or aren’t happy and fulfilled, but regardless, we tend to only see the perceived good, compare that to our seemingly difficult relationships and then ask ourselves, “why can’t I have that?”) What’s even more disheartening, is we have learned to relate to each other by social media and set perceptions of unrealistic lifestyles as a goal.

Simply put, the philosophy of “FOMO” has revolutionized our modern perceptions of relationships. By building our relationships on a false foundation, we completely avoid being our 100% selves altogether, because we don’t know how to vulnerably relate to each other. When things start to feel uncomfortable or difficult, instead of deepening the connection and working through it, we often immediately question ourselves, “Why am I settling? YOLO, right?” 

Many of my clients are also of the Millennial generation and I witness the impact of our generation’s influence and how it often (negatively) relates to our self-perceptions and quality of relationships. We are terrified of letting our guards down and allowing our partners, potential partners, friends and family… to really see us in times of struggle, regret, self-doubt, shame, jealousy and insecurity. We don’t like to admit we need support once in a while because it goes against everything we had built up for ourselves as an independent, successful, intelligent, confident and innovated generation. Our partners should just know what we need…

I hope to continue to help my  generation start recognizing that our love lives aren’t  always easy and finding or building genuine connections with others is scary, but it shouldn’t be avoided. I help my millennial clients who are struggling with FOMO, recognize that being vulnerable is the answer to finding deep bonds and happiness. By avoiding the challenges of vulnerability and by comparing ourselves to other’s perceived happiness on social media, we should be afraid we are missing out, because we are!