My Counseling Story : Being on the Other Side of the Therapist’s Chair

How Counseling Has Changed My Personal Life : A Therapist’s Story

When I say, “I understand that it is difficult for a lot of us to reach out for support,” (especially in regards to our emotional intelligence and relationship insecurities), I personally mean it. I understand why, the topic of counseling can seem extremely uncomfortable and I definitely get the (false) perception of counseling representing pure “weakness.” I understand these things because I have personally felt them as the client; as the resistant person unsure of seeking support out.

It may come to some as a surprise, but I advocate for counseling services full-heartedly, because (for one) I obviously believe in the work I do, but most importantly, because I’ve done my own work with counseling and it’s made a huge impact on my life. 

I remember entering my Master’s program at Regis University. My professor dropped the bomb that all students were required to do 20 hours of their own counseling during the program in order to graduate. Besides being forced to see a therapist once when I was an adolescent, I had never seen a therapist before in my adulthood. I was immediately uncomfortable! [Looking back I think, “What the heck did you expect Alysha? How would you become a therapist and never go to therapy yourself?]”

I was extremely nervous and resistant; for a good year after hearing the requirements, I did not seek out a counselor. I focused on my studies and while the first year of school sort of prepped me for the emotional vulnerability I was ultimately avoiding, I finally decided to see a therapist “for school.” I found myself at that moment, even as a therapist-in-training, reluctant to sit down with a total stranger and open up about issues I sort of knew were there and felt myself not wanting to touch.

Every other week, I sat down, discussed my stressors briefly and felt myself extremely resistant to letting down my guard. I could literally feel myself hold back and I felt like I was  in a virtual reality of some sort and the ultimate goal was to navigate through the session without experiencing pain or tough emotions.  After every session I definitely succeeded in that goal, but felt even more confused, exhausted and temperamental when I got home.

I would not allow myself to cry or dig into deep topics, and 6 months later, I decided to take some time off. Twelve sessions down and 8 more to go, I felt really discouraged and questioned my career path, myself… everything. Why was this so difficult for me?

After a little bit more time and self reflection, I decided to see another therapist.

Knowing what I do now, I was forcing myself into the process when I wasn’t ready and because of that, my counseling experience was not effective.

I didn’t allow myself to trust the therapist and I couldn’t establish the safety that is crucial to healing and moving forward. I “shopped around” for another therapist to join me on my journey and I felt myself ready to be more open and trusting; it was clear there was something going on for me that I wasn’t attune to and was trying desperately to avoid. I could see at this point, I needed more than just documentation of going to 20 sessions. I needed to get to the core of what was personally affecting me.

I met with another therapist whom I felt an instant connection with. Although I was still extremely resistant to opening up with her completely in the first few sessions, I started to realize that as I allowed myself to trust her, my guard started to slowing dissipate and I was actually feeling revived after every session instead of feeling worse.

I realized later, that this was my biggest issue. I didn’t let anyone in because I simply didn’t know how. My suffering had become something I needed to protect from others instead of something I shared; hence, counseling being so uncomfortable for me initially. My therapist taught me a lot about trust; about my own self-awareness and emotions. She helped me feel validated in my experience and instead of protecting my story and ultimately self-sabotaging (which is something I didn’t even realize I was doing!), I was actually able to set my pain free and started to develop my own life without the plaguing pain from the past.

I will admit vulnerably and proudly, I most definitely “practice what I preach,” and I for one, am the first person to admit that I am still on my own journey that consists of constant growth and homework. I experience my own emotions, insecurities, confusion and anxieties. I too, am also human. I want to continue to advocate for counseling services because I see it as a way for people to uniquely and personally bond together on such a human-level, (that unfortunately doesn’t exist in passing or even sometimes with our closest friends and family).

I write my short counseling story to remind people that it’s OK to be human; it’s normal to feel uncomfortable about counseling and being vulnerable is something most of us don’t innately know how to do.

I also write this to display my own relevance to my career and hope to express my passion in a personal and authentic way. I think we as humans are all on the same path of self discovery and fulfillment in some way, regardless of our experiences and past. We may go about approaching this path in very different ways, but I think ultimately, when we strip ourselves of our ego and societal expectations, we are all innately the same. We all can experience overwhelming emotions that we can’t make sense of; we can all struggle sometimes with substance abuse or other unhealthy outlets for emotional safety; we can all have insecurities in our relationships and needs that often don’t get met; we can all find it safer at times to hide our real selves from others.

But… We also all have the choice to work through these effectively and sometimes this requires outside support to teach us how.

I hope my counseling story shows that I, myself, understand the discomfort of seeking out therapy on a very personal level. It is not something I just tell my clients when they sit across from me in session. I myself, understand the conflict and confusion of being on the other side of the therapist’s chair, because I have been there. I am extremely thankful I did it (and continue to do it when I need it).

If you are interested in learning more about me and my services, feel free to contact me.