Relationship Red Flags: How do you know if your relationship is toxic? Watch for these red flags.
As many of you know, relationship red flags may be hard to identify. Because relationships by nature are hard and require a lot of work, you may ask yourself sometimes “is this really healthy?” We have all been there. It can be challenging to know how to identify what’s a “normal” amount of dysfunction and what is down right toxic.
Here are some examples of relationship red flags to watch out for:
#1 Your partner never accepts accountability for their actions. Or if they do, they make sure to say “but I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t done X.”
#2 You never feel heard/considered in the relationship.
#3 You often question your own sanity or feelings. You may get stuck in self doubt, shame and guilt.
#4 You’re afraid of your partner’s reactions/judgements, so much that you find yourself altering or censoring yourself often.
#5 You struggle with being honest with your family/friends about your relationship. You may even start to isolate from people that were once close to you.
#6 You start becoming someone you don’t recognize.
#7 Your partner uses your vulnerabilities against you.
#8 You constantly feel like you’re in a power struggle in everything that you do.
#9 Your partner directly or indirectly demands things from you. There is no compromise in the relationship.
#10 You had high self esteem until this relationship.
#11 You feel controlled.
#12 You cannot see yourself as your own person. Your partner has become a part of your identity and you need their approval and love.
#13 Arguments are volatile or abusive in any way.
#14 You feel intimidated.
#15 Your partner acts completely different around other people than they do when they are with you.
#16 You catch your partner in repeated lies. Even they are small.
#17 Your partner is highly defensive and never shows their vulnerable side to you.
#18 Your partner refuses to see other people’s perspectives in anything they don’t agree with.
#19 You feel coerced in having sex.
#20 Your partner calls/texts you constantly when you are away.
#21 Your partner does not support you doing new things and acts threatened often.
#22 Your partner threatens self harm in an attempt to cause a reaction out of you.
#23 You and/or your partner is unwilling to go to therapy. (If you are too afraid, they are too defensive).
Relationship Red Flags: How to walk away from a toxic relationship
If you find that you are in a toxic relationship, but struggle with feeling confident in getting out, here’s what you can do. First, if you are in an abusive or threatening relationship it is important to have a safety plan in place, (protective factors such as a place to stay, access to authority, etc).
It can also be incredibly helpful to have a safe, unbiased confidant like a relationship therapist. Because they are also educated on understanding human behavior, they will have a better perspective on what’s “healthy” or not. They are there to support you with building the self confidence and awareness you’ll need to leave the relationship. They can help you create and practice necessary boundaries to help you through the transition. Therapy can also help you connect any dots from past/childhood that may be impacting your current situation/feelings, which may help in healing any past traumas that are being impacted with your current situation.
Lastly, educate yourself on unhealthy relationships, personality disorders and/or addiction if applicable. This is something you can do in therapy, or on your own. Education is helpful at de-personalizing the problem and getting you to see the reality of a toxic situation.
Thank you for reading Relationship Red Flags: What makes a relationship “toxic?” Have you gotten out of a toxic relationship? Please share what helped you!
18 thoughts on “Relationship Red Flags : What makes a relationship “toxic?””
You always gain by giving love.
My boyfriend of seven months (we live together in both of our houses; equal days at each house), spends time (half a day hiking and dining after hike) twice per month with his ex wife. What is your opinion about this behavior?
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Oh wow! I love this post thank you, If you want to know secret obsession is the key to winning a man’s love, attention, and total devotion for life.
It may be good to seek professional help in a relationship when some of those red flags are detected.
I have this 5 yrs relationship. And we dont progress into marriage because of his petition. Lately, he is asking me to allow him and his girl bestfriend to have drive in movie which we haven’t tried before. His reason is because he wants to try new things with other people. Im thinking of breaking up with him because i dont think i can tolerate him with that kind of thoughts and we cant progress with our relationship because still right now he is indecisive with his future and cant make progress. Help me. Enlighten me with my decision. 😭
Hello there Tifa Huck, Name is Lawrence. I’m sorry about the situation you which find yourself, it’s very clear that his interest in the relationship has waned, even the blind could see it. someone who is indecisive about his future after 5years of relationship, now he wants to try new things with other people. that says it all. He doesn’t deserve your time at least not anymore. i’d suggest you move on with your life, trust me, you’d be better off without him. and come on!, stop crying.
Hi, great post. I appreciate your efforts. I
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Lots of relationships are toxic, but people stay together cause of fear.
Nice article, well detailed and thorough.
I like the article. Staying in a toxic relationship is just like committing suicide. We can never change a man if his pride is better than his love for a woman. Better to leave and learn to love yourself even more.
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