A glimpse into my own journey : A tale of self discovery

Self Discovery. Love. Pain. (My) Journey.

By being a therapist of the millennial generation, I know I have an interesting persona in comparison to other therapists. I am well aware of the stereotype, I myself, had created of what a therapist should look and act like before I became one… and I struggled for a long time with how to “play the part.”

The obvious, I am seemingly young. Yes, it is true. I do not have any children of my own and I don’t know if I ever intend to. I have never been married and I am still on my parent’s cell phone family plan.

It’s ok if you find yourself asking, what could you possibly know about life experiences?

Well, I will tell you… a whole hell of a lot.

I have parents, I have stepparents, I was an only child, but then became the oldest to half-siblings later in life. I struggled with my own identity, suffered through depression, alcoholism, and endless failed attempts at finding love. I moved across the world in search of myself, only to face the deepest reality of loneliness. I struggled with independence, co-dependence, trust, communication, emotional processing, and expression.

I hadn’t been fully aware of the pain I was suppressing for years. Pain, in which I did not fully understand until I started graduate school. I took my experience in grad school to deepen the connection within myself. Not only did I want to help others, I truly wanted the skills to learn how to help myself. I took full advantage of soaking up everything that I was learning and applied it to my own feelings and struggles. I went to my own therapy (I still continue to go) and worked through past issues that were extremely difficult to face and process through.

I dug deep within myself, while learning how to expose my vulnerabilities and express my needs to others. I realized how much my previous behaviors were ultimately enabling me from finding happiness within myself and my relationships. It was easier to shut down and not let anyone in; it was easier to drink to calm the insecurity that I constantly felt and then later explode with emotions that I wasn’t able to process sober; it was easier to hide and protect my feelings from everyone around me; it was easier to blame everyone else for not understanding me when I didn’t understand myself. I realized it was ultimately easier for me to play the part that I felt would attract others, while shaming my inner struggles and rejecting my true needs. It was confusing, heartbreaking, and extremely isolating… and I got tired of being so alone.

By gaining the proper tools, I was able to take responsibility of my own emptiness. I allowed myself to work through and forgive the feelings of extreme abandonment I had always experienced, and recreated my own self-esteem. I may still be working on enhancing my relationships with people I am now allowing myself to trust, but the movement I have made thus far has made a tremendous difference with how I genuinely connect with the people around me.

Through my (everlasting) journey to self-growth, I now can recognize the biggest skills I have developed are my ability to be transparent and authentic. I have stopped feeling pressured to play a part and feel empowered to create my own happiness. I have met the love of my life and we pride ourselves on our constant efforts to enhance our relationship and connect… even after 6 years. I finally feel as though I have meaning in my life and I am on a constant journey to self-discovery.

To say the least, my life has been a roller coaster, but instead of riding it with closed eyes and terror, I have now learned how to control the ride. These abilities have not only strengthened my personal life and relationships, but they have also transformed the way I connect with my clients in such a powerful way. As I became more attune to myself, I was able to be more present and attuned to my clients.

I am who I am, you are who you are, and while we plunge into this journey together, we are committed to accepting each other with open hearts and open minds. Regardless of our experiences, age, race, religious beliefs, sexuality, behavior, and feelings.

I’m here to help you help yourself, while allowing you the genuine space to trust, process, and work through issues that may be holding you back. In a sense, I’m not here to change you, I’m here to help you expose your authentic self, (which will enrich your relationships and your own self perception, as it did for me.)

I am forever grateful for these opportunities and feel extremely passionate about who I am and what I “do.”